'It's Like War Out There'

Is just one of the amazing things that was said last night during our apartment open house. Firstly, it's really surreal to have a steady flow of about 25 people in & out of your house in the span of 45 minutes. The apartment is being judged by straight up strangers and to hear the differing opinions was beyond amusing.
The guy who stated it's like war out there was talking about the apartment search process. Looking for an apartment in Zurich is analogous with war. Classic.
The quips are made so much more amusing by the individuals interesting take on the English language, at least one person from each 'couple/roommate group' spoke English well, except for one single guy with a giant hole extender in his ear who we couldn't communicate with at all. He said something, we said our German isn't so good, he stared at us for a while, then took an application & left. Seriously, no wonder I was tossing & turning on Tuesday night in anticipation of this event.
The afternoon started out with a bang with the friends of our neighbors. A woman that moved in upstairs a few months ago came by with her daughter on Monday to ask if I would recommend her friends for the apartment. I gave her my number & told her they could call me to arrange a different time to come as they couldn't make it during the set viewing hours. Our neighbor & her daughter are both clean, courteous and generally normal looking & smelling. So imagine my surprise yesterday when I opened the door at 4.30 to her friends who looked & smelled like they were long-haul truckers just in from 12 consequtive days on the road. The woman was rocking green sweatpants with yellow stripes in addition to her giant boots, hair that was washed at best a week ago & excessive light blue eyeshadow accompanied by three day old, crusty eyeliner. She winked at me with those eyes, which was almost more disturbing than the strong funky body odor layered with cigarette and pot smoke they left lingering in the house. They left, I washed my hands, then called Joe to recap.
Luckily, no one else held a candle (or a bag of sewage) to those people. Although, some of the later viewers had a few of their own interesting things to say.
Here's a few of the humdingers:
In a slightly shocked tone: 'How did you guys even get this apartment in the first place?'
'Wow, the kitchen is so beautiful.'
'The fridge is so big.'
'This apartment is not 75m' (online it's listed at 75)
Joe responds: 'Yeah, maybe it's more like 70'
Guy: 'No, I'm pretty sure it's more like 65.'
They proceed to just look at us incredulously, then leave.
A guy that spoke little English, just looking at the kitchen: 'beautiful, beautiful.'
I guess beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.